Murmurings have been heard coming from certain corners. Ugly rumors circulating through the night. Whispers of wicked slanders whistling about through the metaphorical grapevine. The Recent Paterfamilias has changed, they say. He’s not the same as he used to be. He’s too opinionated. He’s too crotchety. He doesn’t like anything. Maybe he should post his columns on a day beside Wednesday. Maybe Wednesday is bad for his intellect, for his psyche, for his ego, for his id. Maybe earlier in the week is better. Maybe later in the week. Maybe every other week. Maybe that will change his tune, change his attitude, chipper him up, make him less crotchety like he’s been so much as of late.
Well, in response, the R.P. would like to state publicly: These accusations of recent crotchetiness are patently untrue, and the R.P. finds them both misleading to his reading public and offensive to his own idea of himself. The Recent Paterfamilias is not crotchety as of late. The Recent Paterfamilias has always been crotchety. This is a natural consequence of being in possession of an opinionated constitution. One is perpetually, and inherently, and understandably, crotchety.
Now, it must be admitted, the sources of these criticisms are themselves, at best, suspicious, unreliable, and fairly crotchety themselves. Which would, of course, make any and all of their opinions on the R.P. suspect, at best.
So…is the Recent Paterfamilias intent on altering his crotchety ways? Absolutely not. If he, the R.P., has an opinion on modern dollhouses, he will state it. If he, the R.P., has complaints about the state of European children’s products, he will voice them. If he, the R.P., wishes to admire a chair designed by those elusive Eames people (whomever they are, and if that is their real name), his admiration will abound upon the blogosphere.
So that’s that, the Recent Paterfamilias would like to announce with full confidence that this discussion on his crotchetiness is exhausted and complete. And to finish, with all outward crotchetiness deliberately withheld, the personal opinion of this Recent Paterfamilias for this particular week, the 25th of his offspring’s life, is this: Always view with utmost prejudice all opinions other than one’s own. (Although, in all honesty, that ain’t exactly an opinion.)