January 18, 2012

My Dog is a Racist

            My dog, let’s call him “Tedward,” is a racist. 

            It has previously been discussed in this column how this same Welsh Terrier, the aforementioned “Tedward,” is a bigot.  But “Tedward” also discriminates on color and breeding. 

            “Tedward” hates Golden Retrievers. 

            “Tedward” hates Springer Spaniels.

            And “Tedward” especially hates Labrador Retrievers of all ilk, whether they be yellow, chocolate, or black. 

            “Tedward’s” distaste for this latter mentioned breed manifested itself somewhat dramatically, and rather embarrassingly, this past weekend when he tried to attack Charlie Rose’s pet Black Lab. 

            But please, allow me to elaborate. 

            The wife, the baby, the dog (“Tedward”), and I were all at the southeast corner of Central Park, at 60th Street, just north of the golden horseman statue, when here came good old Charlie Rose with his dog in tow, headed directly toward “Tedward” for what was obviously intended as a nice friendly sniff.  Being a good dog owner with some semblance of self-awareness, this Recent Paterfamilias felt it was his responsibility to inform good old Charlie and his dog upon their approach that, should they continue their current course, this was not going to go well. 

            Apparently, Charlie had more confidence in “Tedward” than I, and he kept on coming. 

            As suspected, “Tedward” acted as promised. 

            It must be stated:  good old Charlie Rose was a good sport about the whole thing. 

            Charlie joked that, sometimes, his Lab likes to get in close to aggressive dogs, just to see how quickly he can retreat. 

            As I pointed out to good old Charlie Rose, the current expression on his Lab’s face was, “I don’t like the look of that Terrier over there.” 

            Good old Charlie, the good old sport that he is, chuckled at this. 

            I feel badly, sometimes, labeling my dear “Tedward” the Terrier as a bigot and a racist, but, the truth be told, if he didn’t act like an A-hole so much of the time, I’d probably have nicer things to say about him. 

            That being said, I don’t think I’d care for “Tedward” as much as I do if he wasn’t filled with so much feistiness, if he was instead just one of those standard, typically happy dogs, like a Golden Retriever, or a Springer Spaniel, or some stupid Black Lab who just happens to share a 5th Avenue apartment with a good old television personality.  (In all honesty, if I were “Tedward,” I probably would have attacked him, too.)


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